Hope Y’all Don’t Mind if I Word-Vomit for a Minute

HI FRIENDS. I guess the last time I updated you on my life was about a week after I graduated college…which is slightly sad, considering it’s now been a month. I guess life’s been keeping me pretty busy! I have been keeping up with all of the blogs I follow though, and it’s been so fun to read about your lives thus far this summer. 😀

I guess the big one is that AMCAS 2015 opened for submission two weeks ago tomorrow, and I’m getting reaaaaallly close to submitting mine! My application is finalized and ready to go except for the personal statement, which I’m editing and editing and editing some more. And here’s where I put my shout-out of HUGE THANKS to fellow bloggers @5yearjourneyZ and @doctorORbust for offering their critiques and suggestions!!! Y’all are the best and have given me lots to consider in making it the best statement it can be 🙂

I’ve been on the fence about how many medical schools to apply to. The national average per applicant is 14ish, which seems like a rather high (and super pricey) amount, but makes more sense when you consider the sheer competitiveness of the entire process. I applied to 16 last year, and didn’t exactly win any of those bets, so I’m not too keen on picking and paying for that many again. However, I also don’t want to under-apply and run the risk of finding myself in the same boat next May simply because I was too cheap during the primary app. Advice welcome here, per the usual.

In the realm of non-AMCAS related life happenings, my best friend’s wedding was two weeks ago, and it was a beautiful, beautiful day all around! She and her new husband are perfect for each other, and sharing in their day with the other bridesmaids and groomsmen was an immense privilege. And, I fit into my bridesmaid’s dress! SUCCESS!

Still looking for a summer bartending job, partially to keep myself busy and partially in the hopes of having a bit of money saved up for school in the fall. I’ve got two interviews this week (!!!) so I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for those. FINGERS CROSSED that someone thinks I’m hirable despite no previous work experience in that position! Updates will come your way if anything happens with that!

I’ve gotten in a couple weekend trips to see the boyfriend (henceforth, for everyone’s benefit, let’s just call him M), which have been much needed and so much fun. He’s interning at an environmental conservancy on an island off of coastal North Carolina, and he only gets one day off per week (STUPID RULE), so the times we can spend together are somewhat limited. This wouldn’t be too bad, except that I will be moving to Chicago as of late August, and the “limited” time we get now is probably going to seem like a luxury by then. Not exactly looking forward to a long-distance relationship, but if there’s anything I’ve learned from the rather non-extensive dating experience I do have, it’s that communication is key. Especially when distance is a factor. I’m trying not to worry or dwell on that too much, but if any of y’all with more experience in this arena have wisdom or advice to impart, your thoughts are more than welcome.

I think that’s about it on the word-vomit for today. BIG THINGS before I sign off:

(1) To everyone studying for the MCAT right now: KEEP YOUR FOCUS AND KEEP STUDYING! You’re fabulous, dedicated, awesome people for taking on such a challenge for yourselves, and you will be great on test day! Remember why you’re putting yourself through this hell, and keep your head up!

(2) To everyone on here preparing to matriculate into med school in the fall: I am so beyond excited for all of you, so I can’t even imagine how exciting it is to be one of you! Just a heads up right now, a part of me will shamelessly be living vicariously through you for the next year, and I can’t wait to read about all of your journeys as medical students! Congrats again!!!

(3) To everyone in my boat who’s applying for med school this cycle: WE’VE GOT THIS!

Game Changers

LIFE UPDATE: remember how I talked about applying to master’s programs for next year? And how I was planning for reapplication to med school for the entering class of 2016? This post has to do with both of those things.

PART A: MASTER’S STUFF.

So, having applied to about five or so programs within the past couple of weeks (I procrastinated a bit on the applications…whoops), I didn’t expect to hear anything for a while yet, most likely due to the fact that it takes FOREVER to hear anything about anything during the med school application process. However, I got a phone call last week from the program director at Loyola University Chicago for their M.S. program in Medical Physiology (!!!). He said he just wanted to ask a few questions about my application, but it turned into a half hour of unsolicited (and extremely appreciated) advice on medical school and reapplication and things I should do to improve. It was awesome, and so I was feeling pretty good about that program. Lo and behold, I checked my email yesterday and there was an acceptance letter just sitting there for me! I MIGHT HAVE A PLAN FOR NEXT YEAR AFTER ALL! And it might involve moving halfway across the country to Chicago!

Probably what I looked like when I hung up from the phone call with Mr. Program Director

(Super awesome things about this program: (a) It’s about 25-30 students per class, so the tiny size will mean I’ll get to know my instructors super well. (b) It’s only 10 months long, so I’d finish in late May of next year and have a full master’s degree. (c) It’s taught by professors at their med school, and it covers much of the same curriculum, meaning it’ll make my life as an eventual MS1 infinitely more manageable. (d) The best part, though, is that all students who choose to apply to med school and maintain a 3.5 GPA in the program automatically receive an interview to Loyola’s med school…) At this point, I’m about 90% sure I’ll go here. There’s one more school that’s sliiiightly closer to home that I’d like to hear from first, though this was my first choice.

PART B: MED SCHOOL STUFF.

Mr. Program Director also provided me with a highly convincing argument for how I’d be wasting my time and not helping myself by waiting an additional year to reapply…sooo having given it a week of considerable thought and prayer, I’ve decided that I’m actually applying to med school for 2015 instead! Life’s been slightly hectic since that decision, what with kicking the AMCAS application back into gear, especially because AMCAS is open for submission in 2 weeks and 1 day, and I hadn’t remotely considered reapplying so soon. The good thing, though, is that I’m so much more at ease this time; I know all of the ins and outs of the process, and I’ve already taken my MCAT, and my GPA is markedly higher than the one I reported in the previous cycle (though still not incredible, thus enrollment in a master’s program), and I’m definitely submitting it FAR earlier than I did last year. I have strong recommenders, and I’ve already got a working draft of my personal statement based on the master’s program application essays. Prayers for not losing my sanity over PS editing are welcomed and appreciated.

So, in summary: as of this week, I’m going to grad school, and I’m applying to med school again. GET AT ME, AMCAS.

Aaaaaand…Now What?

As of this afternoon, my last paper has been submitted and my last exam has been taken. I am done with college, and the only thing left for me to do before I pack my things and leave this campus for the foreseeable future is to graduate next weekend!

…what’s coming after that, though? NO IDEA. It appears I’ve been so consumed with planning out what my life will hold come this fall that I kind of forgot to consider what my summer will hold. I don’t have classes to prepare for (yet…grad school may change that if I’m accepted), I don’t have to study for the MCAT, I’m not filling out AMCAS this round, and I don’t have any summer assignments. The idea of so much free time without obligations is almost horrifying, as we pre-meds often forget what “free time” even means.

Ergo, in an effort to keep myself occupied, here is my attempt to create a Summer 2014 Bucket List of sorts. Feel free to comment below and help me add things if you have an idea or two!

• READ FOR PLEASURE: I haven’t read a book for pleasure in far, far, FAR too long. And there are so many that I want to read! I already own and plan to read The Emperor of All Maladies, which is a history of cancer, and Buzz: The Science and Lore of Alcohol and Caffeine, because it combines two things I love (science and the casual enjoyment of alcoholic and/or coffee beverages). Further suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
• TAKE A BEACH TRIP: my parents’ house, which is where I’ll be living for the summer, is about three hours from the NC coast, making for an entirely doable daytrip. And, seeing as there is probably close to zero melanin production going on in my skin, I figure some sunshine and Vitamin D (accompanied by a terrifyingly high SPF number because #safetyfirst) would be good for me. Also, my boyfriend has a summer internship at one of those beaches, so visiting him would be another excellent excuse to go.
• GET IN BETTER PHYSICAL SHAPE: while I’m not terribly out of shape, the whole metabolism-that’s-slower-than-a-turtle thing that I’ve got going on makes keeping in shape somewhat difficult. Plus, it was so easy during college to put off a trip to the gym because “I just really need to finish this assignment. I promise I’ll go tomorrow.” And it was a BALD-FACED LIE, every time. As such, I pledge to take better advantage of my freedom and find a time to work out every day.
• GO TO BARTENDING SCHOOL: it’s like $500 for one week of 9am-5pm instruction. Bartenders can make hundreds back in tips over the span of one weekend, so the entire thing would easily pay for itself. And then I can be hired as a bartender and cross that accomplishment off of my lifetime bucket list, because (1) I’ve always thought it’d be a fun job to try, and (2) let’s be real: once I do get into med school, will there ever be time again to dedicate to a job with hours like that? (answer: DOUBTFUL)
• BE BETTER ABOUT GETTING UP IN THE MORNING: this one is a big, big, big one for me, as I’m the worst about being productive with mornings. For example, I slept till 12:30pm today for no reason at all besides wanting to. I hate mornings, but I love the feeling of getting so much accomplished so early in the day whenever I do manage to get myself up and going earlier in the morning. I think I’d have so much extra time to do all of the things I want to do this summer (and in the future) if I got into the habit of waking up earlier.
• CATCH UP WITH OLD FRIENDS: this one will be super important, since as graduating seniors, most of them are leaving the area for their jobs after this summer. Even though their apartments in various awesome cities would be an excellent excuse for a cheap vacation over the next few years, it’d be really lovely to see them as much as possible before it actually has to be a vacation.
• DRAW MORE: in high school, I took visual art as a filler elective and accidentally discovered through it that I could draw. I’m not half bad, if I can brag on myself a little bit here. I love it because it affords you the opportunity to create any scene you would like, whether or not there is any rhyme or reason to it. Salvador Dali may or may not be my muse (weird weird weeeird dude, but incredible Surrealist art).

That’s all I can think of at the moment, but more summer goals and activities are sure to follow. Happy May to everyone, and happy AMCAS Fill-Out Month for those applying to med school for 2015!

The Irony

…of course, not 30 minutes after I wrote my post last week about learning to be patient, I received that one last decision, and it seems med school is not in the cards for next year. Not that I am entirely surprised by this, given that this application cycle is very near its end, but there had been a tinge of hope inside me, holding out for that 11th hour acceptance. Such is life.

On the bright side, even though I felt the disappointment of not yet achieving this goal of mine, that final rejection came with the release of a large weight from my shoulders. It may not have been the answer I wanted to hear, but it was an answer! I could finally say, with certainty, that I had applied to medical school and survived the process. If I could do it this time, I know I can do it again. There’s something strangely refreshing about that.

Anyway, thus begins my journey to enact Post-Grad Plan B! I am applying to eight or nine Master’s programs (mainly in biomedical science or physiology) for the upcoming fall, all of which last one or two years. Admissions stats (e.g., GPA/MCAT/GRE scores) are significantly lower than those required to get into med school, so hopefully I will be met with slightly more success in this arena (fingers crossed, prayers flying, y’all).

In the event that I am accepted somewhere, regardless of the length of the program, I will be re-applying for the entering class of 2016 for med school. Since my GPA was the primary hang-up for adcoms this cycle, I figured I’ll just go earn myself a new-and-improved GPA and try again!

Side note: I also will apply much earlier to AMCAS than I did this time. June 1st, 2015 has my name ALL OVER it.

The “F” Word

It is a demoralizing feeling to fail. All the stress, small successes, tears, determination, and borderline caffeine ODs added up, but at the end of the day, I just didn’t make the cut.

I received the rejection letter from my favorite medical school on Friday evening, bringing a whole new level of meaning to the phrase, “Valentine’s Day rejection” (bad joke, I know, but it had to be made). Given this turn of events, I have one more shot to get into medical school this cycle. My 2nd and final interview is at the end of the week. As optimistic as I try to remain on a normal basis, my (slightly more practical) inner monologue has accepted that my chances of acceptance for this coming fall are slim at best.

In light of all that, here is my attempt to delineate, with as much wisdom as a 22-year-old with a bruised ego and confused immediate future can muster, a procedure for dealing with such potential large-scale failure as this.

1. Choose immediate reaction to failure: This part is critical, especially if you are in a room full of other people when you receive news of said failure (I was. It was awkward). You can blow a gasket/scream/cry/throw things/aggressively show your frustration/etc., or you can remain composed. I suggest the latter.* I was slightly surprised at my lack of an external reaction, but it worked wonders for relieving the social tension in the room.
2. Begin to process said failure: walk into kitchen, realize there is no wine, grab car keys and acquire wine, open wine, drink. I do not recommend skipping this step. It is a very good step to have.
   

   Self-explanatory.

3. Host the inevitable pity party: mine happened the next morning, once I re-opened the envelope and the full weight of that rejection hit me. IMPORTANT NOTE! Get through this step quickly for the sake of your mental and emotional health. I prefer to have a power-hour-style pity party and permanently eject those thoughts from my mind once I emerge on the other side of the hour. No use spending any more time and energy uselessly berating yourself for what is most likely 20/20 hindsight (which, in my case, it is).
4. Self-reflect, but without the pity party this time: what do you do if your ideal plan didn’t work out? Sitting around, twiddling your thumbs and waiting for the next chance at that one plan is probably not the best strategy. Analyze the process; there is probably a reason hiding somewhere for why you failed, yes? If you can, try and find it on your own. If you can’t seem to find it, ask someone else who might know. Take all of the constructive criticism you can absorb. Identify some ways you can work towards improving that aspect (or aspects) of yourself so that you will be more likely to succeed when you do decide to re-tackle Plan A.
5. Brainstorm a Plan B and get to work: whatever you identified as potentially needing improvement in step 4, find a Plan B that will help you make that improvement. Not a competitive enough GPA? Find a master’s or post-bacc program that will allow you to start fresh and have a stronger GPA to show for it. MCAT score not that awesome? Give those old lecture notes a dusting-off and get back on the study grind. Not enough medical exposure? Find a job/internship/volunteering position/something that will allow you to gain that exposure. So on and so forth. This step is what I am currently working with, and for me, the most likely problem I’ve identified is my GPA (it’s actually quite good, especially compared to the average science major GPA at my undergrad institution, but it’s not incredible, and that doesn’t always cut it compared to medical school averages…sigh).
6. DO NOT GIVE UP! This is by far the most important step; for me, I know that I am meant to become a doctor, whether I get to start that journey in this application cycle or not. So, whatever helps me get there eventually will ultimately be a step in the right direction; I’m choosing to refer to it as the “scenic route” to medical school. Pick your own scenic route and get to work! Surround yourself with friends and/or family who will encourage you throughout this process. If praying is your thing, do it all the time; if it’s not, find some other form of meditation or self-relaxation or counseling or something that will keep your head straight on your shoulders. DO NOT compare yourself to others who may have gotten to where you want to be faster. Their successes do not imply your failures.

Hopefully some of that made sense. I’m kind of a word-vomit machine this morning, so I apologize if that was overly wordy or nonsensical.

* Unless you are not in a room full of people. Carry out the former option to your heart’s content.

Finals Week in Undergrad and Other Life Updates

Undergrad friends, we are done with finals week! It was that big dark cloud that’s been looming on the horizon since August that you got really good at ignoring. But you couldn’t ignore it anymore, because it was suddenly very real and giant and threatening to engulf you. And all that productivity you were going to have during the semester to make this week slightly less hellish was suddenly looking like it fell pretty flat. It never changes. So (if you’re like me) you cranked up the coffee machine, found yourself a comfortable study spot, and GOT TO IT.

Don’t act like you’ve never thought about it.

For that, I give you the biggest “CONGRATULATIONS” that can be conveyed via indirect contact online. It’s a hard week for everyone, and it’s never really fun, but somehow we always survive better than we think we’re going to.

And now, if you’re really like me, you have 2-3 weeks of rest and relaxation ahead of you, and you don’t know what to do with yourself. You’re so used to cramming in every last minute with something new to study or some other detail you feel like you should probably know, and now you’re experiencing a delay in coming down from that whirlwind of non-stop productivity.

In an effort to enjoy this Christmas break, I’m going to outline some things on here which I hope to accomplish in the next few weeks:

1. Catch up on sleep while not wasting the morning. Let me tell y’all, I’ve been such a vocal anti-morning person for 21 of my 22 years, but only this past summer (in studying for the MCAT…dark times, y’all, dark times) did I begin to fully appreciate just how much I could do before noon if I planned ahead. I don’t want to waste all that time while we’re between semesters and I have no other real obligations.
2. Blog more often on here. I would’ve been blogging even more often last semester if I hadn’t had a particularly hard semester + 15 secondary applications to complete + beginning to schedule interviews + having my first interview. So, while the time constraints are low, I plan on spewing my thoughts ALL over this blog!
3. Read The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks. If you’ve ever worked in a research lab, or studied much about cell biology, chances are you’ve heard of HeLa cells. They’re an immortalized line of cancer cells (i.e., they don’t die in tissue culture) that has been instrumental in many of the biggest medical discoveries of the past century, and they were taken from the cervical tumor of a woman named Henrietta Lacks, without her knowledge, shortly before her death. I’ve been meaning to read this book for a while, and I’m so excited to have the time to do it now!
   

   Stained HeLa cells (from Smithsonian website). Yellow = nucleus, blue = actin filaments, and pink = mitochondria.

4. Find more opportunities to shadow. I may get this 3-week break, but doctors don’t. What better way to spend a little of this free time than by exploring a specialty more in-depth? It can only help my chances of admission to a medical school for next year, so it seems like a logical step. I plan on trying to find shadowing in family medicine and general surgery, as both of these are specialties in which I am interested, but I don’t have extensive experience to back up those interests.
5. Apply to some DO schools. The 15 schools to which I have submitted secondaries so far are all MD schools. I have completed the AACOMAS application (same thing as AMCAS, but just for DO schools), but I haven’t submitted it. The two fields of medicine both offer the same freedoms and potential for specializing and practicing, but the DO also places emphasis on preventative care and treating patients holistically (rather than treating just the symptoms). DO schools in the U.S. are growing much more rapidly, with new ones opening all over the place (including in my state), and I want to ensure that I have done everything in my power to go to medical school next year.
6. Re-watch Scrubs. Because it’s Scrubs. And because Zach Braff and Donald Faison’s guy love is one of the greatest relationships to ever grace the television screen, in my opinion.
   

   “It’s Guy Love”

7. Start looking at material for next semester. Full disclosure: I’m such a biochem nerd. If I’d realized this earlier on in my college career, I totally would’ve majored in it. Anyway, I’m taking my second semester of it in the spring and I CANNOT WAIT.

That’s probably all I can think of. For those of you who also are on break: relax, eat, enjoy friends, and be merry, but don’t forget to make the most of this free time! To all of you med students who are probably still in exam week: keep on keepin’ on, y’all. You’re awesome, and you’re doing such incredible work, and I cannot wait to be one of you (hopefully next year)!

Essays on Essays on Essays

My AMCAS application was verified last Monday. FINALLY. (!!!!!!!) Those were some of the longest five weeks of waiting I’ve ever experienced, and I’m sure it will only get more extreme as this whole process goes on. If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that I have a looooong way to go in the patience department.

But anyway: the good news! Now that my primary is verified and taken care of, the next step is dealing with the sudden influx of secondary applications in my inbox! It’s such an awesome problem to have, and I realize just how fortunate I am to have made it even this far, but that doesn’t stop the prospect from being slightly overwhelming.

How I feel when I look at secondary essay prompts.

Depending on the school, the secondary application has any number of essays with varying degrees of word and character limits. I think the most extensive one I’ve submitted so far had seven essays. SEVEN. I’m skeptical that there’s anything that admissions committee DOESN’T know about my life, after that monster. There has been some overlap in essay topics, so getting to recycle some for different schools has been a major time (and sanity) saver. A couple of them haven’t even had essays at all, leading me to wonder why those schools even have secondary applications. But, I digress. Another topic for another day.

Let me tell you about some APPLICATION FEES, though. These things are pricey. At anywhere between $50 and $150 a pop, my bank account dies a little bit every time I even think about looking at one of these applications. I guess that’s the price of wanting to be a doctor.

Probably how much I’ve spent on application fees thus far.

BUT ANYWAY, my application update: I submitted my primary to 16 schools. I received 14 secondaries, got straight up rejected by one school without being offered a secondary (still not sure why that happened, since my GPA/MCAT were in the upper portion of the ranges that school typically accepts. Oh well), and am currently being screened by one school. It’s progress, y’all.